by Sara J Sanderson The Heartist Movement (inspired by my Human Design reading with Marian Mills)
It is so freakin hard not to compare myself to others when I see others creating things I feel I should be able to do, or when others are able to articulate amazing useful tips and ideas and share them openly, yet I only currently feel comfortable sharing advice, tips and techniques one-to-one. When I look deeper at why I want the same things for myself that I see in others, I actually find I want them mainly so I can fit in and be just like every other successful heart-centred online entrepreneur. To have a financially viable business that helps others and enables me to do what I love. I want the tried and tested formula of how to run a profitable online business to fit me, and I feel sad that it doesn’t. I feel sad because I don’t yet know the alternative of how to succeed in business in a different way on my own terms. Do I regret going into business? Absolutely not!!! I’m totally heading in the right direction, and feel a complete sense of freedom and inner peace (see here) so all I need now is a way to make it work best for me.
I knew I had a fantastic life changing service to offer so I just assumed if I invested heavily in how to set up and run an online business ‘boom’ I would have a vehicle to speak to people interested in my area of work and also attract the ideal clients I’m here to support. But now several thousands of pounds lighter and against the good advice of what Mike Dooley says about not paying for things you don’t actually have the money for. I now have the stress of owing money to individuals and lenders and the feeling of shame and unworthiness this brings up.
So what am I choosing to do about it?
Self pity party?
Well I’d be lying if I said this doesn’t appeal to me. The thought of having a good cry, feeling bitter and whining “why me” has a very strong pull for me right now. I could simply wallow in the story of hardship and misfortune and wait to be rescued by my husband, family and friends.
My minds version of try harder is to implement all the learning from the various courses I’ve invested in, that are known to work for many people. My mind has evidence of lots of people these courses have worked for, which is of course why I invested in them in the first place. My mind wants me to continue to do the tried and tested things that are working for many in the online business world even though my body and heart are calling out for me to stop trying to be someone I’m not.
For me this is the hardest of the 3 options to choose. Why? Because it means standing out, going against the norm, flying my freak flag and being left open to ridicule and judgement. It means not having a tried and tested plan to work to, instead having to trust myself and have faith that my inner authority knows what path to take. It also means slowing down and potentially (what my mind would see as) wasting the investments made, and throwing money down the toilet.
Now that I’ve written the options out and can observe them all without being directly attached. I can clearly see the most empowering and liberating option is to ‘Be myself’.