Sometimes it’s really hard to see what we’re attached to. Until it becomes glaringly obvious, usually in some uncomfortable way, through a confrontation or a situation that leaves us feeling an emotional wreck. When we can recover our equilibrium sufficiently to look at what really happened, it’s tempting to blame the other person or people. But we won’t ever achieve inner peace and happiness if we attribute the source of our state of mind outside of ourselves. This is where true responsibility is called for, to recognise that we are the creators of our own suffering.
Attachments can prevent us appreciating what we see around us, connecting deeply and authentically in our relationships and developing our sense of trust in our own ability to create the life we desire from our Soul.
But why is it that one person can say something that irritates, whilst another person seems to be able to get away with so much more?
I’ve illustrated this with clients in the past by saying that we have attachments that we are unaware of; just as Velcro has a hook side and a fuzzy side in order to grip and fasten things together, we too carry little patches of Velcro in our emotions. It is only when we meet up with someone who carries the matching piece of Velcro that we become attached; this is when we feel upset or angry or disappointed.
The only way to become free of such painful attachments is to remove our own Velcro patches. This requires some patient and caring inner work. Just what are we attached to? Well, the feelings show us the way to the source, to that sticky Velcro patch. What are the beliefs we are attached to? What was violated that caused us so much pain? Where are we resisting what is and wishing it was something different?
I find Byron Katie’s four questions really helpful for this kind of work, especially “who would you be and how would you feel without that belief?”. When we are really attached to something and don’t know that we are living our lives as though that belief were 100% true, it is virtually invisible to us. Only by tracking it down through our painful interactions and subjecting it to honest scrutiny, then challenging it’s validity, can we become liberated, throwing away our Velcro patches piece by piece ….. to reach inner peace.
You are never really upset for the reasons you think ….. and you don’t have to stay a victim to Velcro attachments!