I have found that there are times when I lose contact with the part of me that I know can handle situations competently and learn through my experiences, or be open to someone’s expression of discontent with my actions. What I feel at these times in my body is a tense contraction, sometimes almost solid like an obstruction. I call this the Pinch Point (or flinch point as that’s what if feels like when you connect with past pain). It is where my flow of creative life energy is literally pinched, like liquid unable to flow past a kink in a pipe, and I know it’s there because I flinch away from anything that touches it. When we create our life with only part of our energy, we see the Pinch/Flinch Point showing up in our fears, our limitations, our frustrations, our health and well-being.
Locating the Pinch Point is the first step to being able to release it. I’ll use a recent example here from my own experience which is about emotions but this approach works equally well for physical health issues. I had tuned into my pattern of criticism and also my need to be right about things a couple of years ago and since then I’ve been observing, on and off, how this manifests in my life. I would regularly pick arguments – Facebook is an ideal forum for such arguments, because I felt protected and safe from other people’s come back! Simple statements met my resistance and then, instead of feeling into my body and uncovering the reason for this inner tension, I would externalise it by blaming the other person, making their idea or their way of putting it across wrong. I began to see that I was operating my relationships from behind a huge defensive barricade which was the need to know best, to be right, to have the answers, to be better than other people. As I’m writing this I can still feel the constriction of that energy in my body – so now I breathe and embrace it.
When we create such strong reinforced defensive ramparts it speaks of a need to protect something fragile, vulnerable and easily hurt. All the time I kept believing this about myself, I needed to protect and this was the way I had learned at a very young age. Our most held onto defences often demonstrate the naïveté of the person we were when we created them. My Pinch Point here was my fear of being vulnerable, being seen as vulnerable, fear of letting in other people’s energies to my sensitive body. This was my internal version of curling up into a ball and putting my arms over my head hiding under my bed! The Pinch Point could also be called the Flinch Point – literally as quick as a reflex action, this is the posture my body would take (on the inside – I had learned not to do it visibly). (In Human Design terms, I have every centre below my G centre open to the world where I am constantly taking in and feeling in my body other people’s emotional energy, will power, life force, stress and pressure, and survival fears.)
Once I had brought the feeling present in my body and understood why they were there, I was, at last, able to embrace it, to appreciate how scared I had been of other people’s feelings, and how this was pinching me off from my ability to learn and to be open to the possibility of being changed by other people.
I challenged my belief in my frailty; is it really true that I need to defend myself from people?
Who do I think I am with that belief? Scared, lonely and ashamed, in the dark.
Who do I think and feel I am when it’s not true? Honest, authentic, brave, vulnerable, creative, loving, light.
Just these simple steps can be enough to release the Pinch/Flinch Point because the feelings and vibration I had when I believed I was frail could not be maintained at that same level once I embraced the feelings and vibration of who I was when it didn’t have to be true. It felt as though the previously solid wall just dissolved. The higher vibrations transmuted the lower in an instant. (I want to express my appreciation of Byron Katie’s The Work for demonstrating how powerful this kind of challenge and turnaround can be)
It is my belief that the focus of this kind of work is of vital importance to its success. Locating the core issue, in whatever way I or a client perceive it, and feeling it within the body, embracing it for what it is, then gently challenging the energy that holds it in place through a belief. It’s amazing to see that what we think is so true, an unshakeable fact of our life can, a moment or two later, be something we no longer even remember.
Since then I’ve had a few opportunities show up in my life to practice with and have been amazed to watch myself walking into situations I would previously have avoided, speaking out when I would have remained silent and coming out of them richer and wiser. Being able to appreciate someone else’s point of view without having to make them either right or wrong has opened me up to a holistic mode of connection – I can appreciate similarities and differences alike, and without the need to polarise them in that way, to really see the whole person. As in the movie Avatar, their form of greeting was “I see you”. With defences around our Pinch Points we cannot truly see anyone.
I can’t claim to have completely eliminated this Pinch Point, it’s too early to say, but I can already feel the difference it has made to my energy, my willingness to engage with other people and my appreciation of other people’s wisdom and insights, their struggles to live an authentic life and pursue their passions and purpose. I no longer have to divert my creative energy into maintaining my defensive barricade which frees it up for creating appreciative and authentic connections with people.
Pinch Points can be released surprisingly quickly and I love assisting people to locate theirs and to gently release them, liberating their health, happiness and creativity. I’ve been working as a healer in various modalities for many years now and understand how to approach shame and vulnerability with compassion so that it comes out of hiding and clients feel safe at all times. This kind of work can be deep and profound in the effects it has on your life and relationships. Learn more on my Coaching page and schedule a free initial consultation.