So here’s my Human Design chart.
As a Projector I am waiting to be invited to share what I can see. And what I see is how your energy is being used, how it’s flowing freely. When invited I can offer a ‘fix’ for your frustration, anger, bitterness, resentment or disappointment. This ‘fix’ isn’t a solution to a problem, it’s a guidance towards greater self love and respect and acceptance. That might sound like nothing much, but what I’ve discovered through my own experiments with following my Strategy and Authority, is that it is EVERYthing.
13 years ago I barely knew myself. And I certainly wasn’t loving or respecting myself. I was freely giving away my energy for little or no reward, and no recognition which is like the gold standard for Projectors. I thought I was making good and sound logical decisions but my life was filled with angst, anxiety and depression. I was doing a pretty good job of masking it, as do many adults with young children. But I was just getting by. All the Open Centres (white shapes) were distracting me from my inner knowing. I was emotionally chaotic (Solar Plexus), working too hard at 3 jobs and in debt (Sacral) in order to prove my worth (Will), not taking care of my health (Spleen) and running on stress (Root).
After my reading, I felt recognised for the first time, and resolved to start learning more. It was a few years before I realised that I needed to actually put it into practice if I was going to get anything useful from it. But I had no clue what my inner authority (G centre) was or how it worked. And I started to ask myself what “waiting” was all about, a commonly misunderstood aspect for most Types. In my experiment I journeyed into some dark places, held hostage to my fears, virtually paralysed by lack of sleep, spending most of the day in my own company or with my two Generator children, feeling isolated and like the TV in standby mode. I’ve waited as a victim, I’ve waited in powerlessness, I’ve waited in excruciating boredom, and none of them was like the alive and present waiting I live in today.
Bitten by the desire to know and learn more, I took classes with various Human Design schools in America, eventually completing the analyst training. However, it didn’t feel right for me to take the exam to become a qualified analyst. Or rather, it wasn’t the right time. As a 6th line profile, I was just about to go through the process called “coming down off the roof” which is also the Chiron/Kiron return time. It was also the 7th year since having my first reading, and one of the things taught about the deconditioning process is that 7 years is a key time when finally every cell in the body holds the new information.
The following couple of years were difficult, putting my deepest fears to the test. But I won something really precious; my Self. I really connected with my authority, love myself in so many ways and began to notice that I was no longer invisible. I found a wonderful creative expression in textile art and created a life that I love deeply. Every day I am awed by beauty, in nature and in people. From being deeply pessimistic I have become a confirmed optimist. And I put a lot of focus and attention on my alignment because that is the key to everything I have, see and feel. I have thrown out rule books, safety nets, stabilisers and trust my authority to guide my direction. Last year I suddenly felt I wanted to go to Wales. Within a few days I had found a place that really made my authority sing, booked it and was travelling. I met someone who has become a very dear friend indeed and often marvel how our paths would never have crossed without my making that trip.
When there is something to know, I know it. If I can’t decide, it’s because it isn’t the right time to make the decision. Everything arises in perfect timing. There is nothing to strive for. Everything and everyone is helping me. As good as it is now, it just keeps getting better.
I can speak my truth (Solar Plexus), enjoy stillness (Root), take care of my health (Spleen), feel at peace with myself (Will) and not try to do much (Sacral).
I regularly talk with myself in order to hear the quality of my voice as I speak; this is how I tune into my G authority. It is a form of self-love as well as trust in mySelf to be completely self-referring when making decisions.
I can provide loving direction for others as a Creative Role Model, make creative contributions to group goals, listen and Witness people’s emotional lives, and share inspirational ideas which can provide new perspectives.